Course to Paradise

Tag: family

  • My Husband and I never fight about money – here are our secrets

    My Husband and I never fight about money – here are our secrets

    Money can be a major tension point for many couples. A 2023 survey by Suntrust Bank found that 54% of people believe that having a partner in debt could be a reason for a divorce. Another Fidelity’s 2024 Couples and Money Study shows that 45% of partners say they argue about money at least occasionally, and over one-quarter list money as their biggest relationship challenge. Money can be a sensitive and stressful topic between couples, which is why it’s even more important to set the ground rules before you chart the course of marriage.

    As Aries and Cancer, we bicker about the most ridiculous things, but we’re always on the same page with money. Here are a few of our “secrets” that I’d like to share with you.

    We follow the $50 rule

    In the very early days of our relationship, my husband (then boyfriend) shared an article with me about something called the “$50 rule.” The gist was simple: this couple would let each other know before making any purchase over $50. Of course, there were exceptions – gifts and surprises didn’t count, though they kept those reasonable too.

    I’ll admit, when we were dating, I was the bigger spender (not dramatically, just… noticeably😅). In hindsight, that’s probably why he shared this article with me, haha… and we both willingly started following this rule. Over time, this little rule laid a strong foundation for our relationship and marriage, and I’m genuinely grateful we started it early.

    Ten years have passed since we first set our $50 rule. Has the world gotten more expensive? Absolutely — even the $8 pho in Philly has more than doubled. Are we changing the rule? Absolutely not. It’s become second nature at this point, and we love it that way.

    We are aligned on “wants” vs “needs”

    We try hard to distinguish between “wants” and “needs.” It keeps our spending intentional and our goals aligned. This was another concept my husband introduced back when we were dating – which, when I say it out loud, wow, really makes me wonder just how reckless he thought I was with my spending at the time… Hold on, where is he? I’ll be right back…🤣

    I actually miss those days when so many “wants” we couldn’t afford would end up on our Christmas wishlist. While I’m grateful for how far we’ve come financially and how it’s easier for us to have occasional treats, celebrating Christmas or anniversaries somehow feels a lot trickier these days. Is it because we’re no longer broke students and have become parents, or because our wants now come with a bigger price tag (cough, cough, dream house)?

    Our accounts are shared

    We’re sharing our lives, so sharing our finances was a natural step. It keeps us aligned, transparent, and moving in the same direction. We love how we work so well as a team, and because we don’t really have stressful arguments about money, our love for each other blossoms even more over time.

    We use Empower (formerly Personal Capital) to track all of our accounts. It’s completely free, or at least we use the free version. You can link every category of your personal finances – credit cards, bank accounts, investment and retirement accounts, car loans, and mortgages, and the app or website gives you a complete view of your net worth, assets, and liabilities. Since we share all our accounts, there are no surprises that might cause a heart attack. Although… I’m still waiting for my husband to admit he has a secret stash of money somewhere. Wouldn’t that be nice? Don’t worry, babe, I promise I won’t be mad!😃

    Mutual respect = no power play

    No “I make more” energy, no scorekeeping. We value each other’s needs (and our families’ needs) equally – that’s real partnership. Every time we let each other know we’re about to make a purchase over (or way over) $50, the other person almost always says, “Sure, go ahead,” because the respect we have for each other comes with 100% trust.

    Once in a while, we have a dedicated conversation just about money. We review our current financial picture, income trajectory, investments, and the kids’ education fund. We also dream about the day when work becomes optional and we can FAT FIRE – that is, retire early while still living comfortably. Coming from humble backgrounds, these conversations bring us even closer.

    Every marriage is unique, and what works for ours might not work for yours. But one thing is clear: open communication, mutual respect, and shared financial goals can make a world of difference. What “secrets” or strategies for financial success in marriage have worked for you? We’d love to hear your insights and tips – let’s keep the conversation going!

  • Where We Began

    Where We Began

    The Februaries in Philadelphia are usually cold, and the one in 2015 was no different. When Tae and I met, we were both graduate students in our twenties—driven, ambitious, and still figuring out adulthood together. We shared a love for hard work and responsibility, yet our personalities and interests couldn’t have been more opposite. Maybe that’s what drew us together even more. We fell quickly and deeply in love, soon realizing that our differences weren’t obstacles but lessons—an ongoing journey of learning and growing through each other.

    When we began our life together in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in West Philly, it felt like the start of something hopeful and new. I had just started my first full-time job, earning $45,000 a year, while Tae was still finishing school and living on a modest military stipend. Between my entry-level salary and his small allowance, money was tight, and even though we tried our best to avoid it, credit card debt quietly found its way into our lives.

    There were stressful moments, like the day Tae’s old Android phone slipped out of his pocket and the screen cracked. I remember how frustrated he was—not because of the phone itself, but because fixing it meant another expense we couldn’t really afford. But there were also happy moments, like when he spent weeks searching for my first car—a $5,000 silver 2007 Honda Fit with one previous owner and a clean title. I had never seen that many scratches on a bumper, but I had never been happier driving that little car to my first real job.

    Through it all, we learned to laugh at ourselves and make the most of what we had. One evening, on the SEPTA bus ride back to West Philly, Tae pointed out that according to our budget tracking app, our biggest expense was food, and he suggested we should eat out less (even though we already didn’t eat out much). I told him that according to Engel’s Law, as household income rises, the proportion spent on food falls—in other words, food was our biggest expense simply because we were poor. He laughed, “Well, now we feel great about ourselves.” And we both did.

    We were rich in love, but not much else. Neither of us came from money, and even when Tae was stressed about his board exam upon graduation, there was no financial help from family. In those days, when we had more dreams than dollars, a few simple things laid the foundation for the partnership we still rely on today. We agreed to tell each other whenever we were about to make a purchase over $50—except for the occasional gift or surprise. We made a habit of distinguishing needs from wants, determined to make every dollar count. We worked hard, knowing that financial stability was something neither of us had growing up, yet both of us longed for as we built a new life together.

    For our younger selves, the idea of building a life in Hawaii one day would have felt like a distant dream. Yet here we are—10 years later—taking small, steady steps toward that vision. Every dollar saved, every lesson learned, and every challenge overcome has brought us closer to the life we once only imagined. As I start this blog to document our journey toward that dream, I hope our story reminds you that even humble beginnings can grow into something beautiful. I invite you to follow along as we continue to earn, save, and invest—one day, one goal, and one dream at a time.