Money can be a major tension point for many couples. A 2023 survey by Suntrust Bank found that 54% of people believe that having a partner in debt could be a reason for a divorce. Another Fidelity’s 2024 Couples and Money Study shows that 45% of partners say they argue about money at least occasionally, and over one-quarter list money as their biggest relationship challenge. Money can be a sensitive and stressful topic between couples, which is why it’s even more important to set the ground rules before you chart the course of marriage.
As Aries and Cancer, we bicker about the most ridiculous things, but we’re always on the same page with money. Here are a few of our “secrets” that I’d like to share with you.
We follow the $50 rule
In the very early days of our relationship, my husband (then boyfriend) shared an article with me about something called the “$50 rule.” The gist was simple: this couple would let each other know before making any purchase over $50. Of course, there were exceptions – gifts and surprises didn’t count, though they kept those reasonable too.
I’ll admit, when we were dating, I was the bigger spender (not dramatically, just… noticeably😅). In hindsight, that’s probably why he shared this article with me, haha… and we both willingly started following this rule. Over time, this little rule laid a strong foundation for our relationship and marriage, and I’m genuinely grateful we started it early.
Ten years have passed since we first set our $50 rule. Has the world gotten more expensive? Absolutely — even the $8 pho in Philly has more than doubled. Are we changing the rule? Absolutely not. It’s become second nature at this point, and we love it that way.
We are aligned on “wants” vs “needs”
We try hard to distinguish between “wants” and “needs.” It keeps our spending intentional and our goals aligned. This was another concept my husband introduced back when we were dating – which, when I say it out loud, wow, really makes me wonder just how reckless he thought I was with my spending at the time… Hold on, where is he? I’ll be right back…🤣
I actually miss those days when so many “wants” we couldn’t afford would end up on our Christmas wishlist. While I’m grateful for how far we’ve come financially and how it’s easier for us to have occasional treats, celebrating Christmas or anniversaries somehow feels a lot trickier these days. Is it because we’re no longer broke students and have become parents, or because our wants now come with a bigger price tag (cough, cough, dream house)?
Our accounts are shared
We’re sharing our lives, so sharing our finances was a natural step. It keeps us aligned, transparent, and moving in the same direction. We love how we work so well as a team, and because we don’t really have stressful arguments about money, our love for each other blossoms even more over time.
We use Empower (formerly Personal Capital) to track all of our accounts. It’s completely free, or at least we use the free version. You can link every category of your personal finances – credit cards, bank accounts, investment and retirement accounts, car loans, and mortgages, and the app or website gives you a complete view of your net worth, assets, and liabilities. Since we share all our accounts, there are no surprises that might cause a heart attack. Although… I’m still waiting for my husband to admit he has a secret stash of money somewhere. Wouldn’t that be nice? Don’t worry, babe, I promise I won’t be mad!😃
Mutual respect = no power play
No “I make more” energy, no scorekeeping. We value each other’s needs (and our families’ needs) equally – that’s real partnership. Every time we let each other know we’re about to make a purchase over (or way over) $50, the other person almost always says, “Sure, go ahead,” because the respect we have for each other comes with 100% trust.
Once in a while, we have a dedicated conversation just about money. We review our current financial picture, income trajectory, investments, and the kids’ education fund. We also dream about the day when work becomes optional and we can FAT FIRE – that is, retire early while still living comfortably. Coming from humble backgrounds, these conversations bring us even closer.
Every marriage is unique, and what works for ours might not work for yours. But one thing is clear: open communication, mutual respect, and shared financial goals can make a world of difference. What “secrets” or strategies for financial success in marriage have worked for you? We’d love to hear your insights and tips – let’s keep the conversation going!
Course to Paradise 